Have you ever had an experience that really made you wonder? An experience that made you stop and really ponder the neurons in your brain and how they relate to the meaning of your life? My belief is that most people have at least one experience (if not many) in their lifetime that makes them really take stock in what makes up a person.
As for me, mine occurred when I was 16. I had just gotten my driver's license, and I began driving my dad's old '79 VW Rabbit. I had inherited it from my sister, who had just bought her first car, an '87 VW Fox. I drove the Rabbit back and forth to school, mainly. I carpooled with my best friend, one week she'd drive, the next, I would. I enjoyed the freedom of driving my own vehicle, and going wherever I needed to go. I often cruised by myself around the long winding roads close to home, listening to my favorite tapes at extreme volumes. My favorite at the time was Robert Plant's "Now & Zen", especially the song, "Dance On My Own". It held special meaning now that I had a newfound freedom in this little car.
During this same period of time, several strange things occurred to me within a short amount of time. The first was a dream that woke me up in the middle of the night. Now, most people who know me (or even those of you who bravely browsed through "Night Visions") know that I dream really vivid and crazy dreams. I have nightmares from time to time, but most of the time they don't really affect me much (I roll over, and go back to sleep.). This dream, however, for whatever reason, had a strange effect on me.
I dreamed that I was driving home from school. I drove down our road (which was about 1/4 mile long) into the driveway. Across from the house was a garage that my dad built, where my sister and brother parked their cars. For some unknown reason, I pulled the car off the driveway and around to the back of the garage, despite the fact that there are many trees around that garage. A flight of stairs appeared behind the garage, and I drove down those steps. It was a bumpy ride, and the little car flipped over off the stairs onto the ground beside it. When the car came to a stop, it landed on the passenger side. I looked up to see my windshield completely busted (although still held together in place) and glass fragments all over the car. My school books were strewn everywhere, as well as my folders and my purse. My window was rolled down, so I crawled out of the car and walked towards the house. It was then that a dinosaur appeared (a T-Rex), and wouldn't let me cross the driveway to the back door of the house. I believe at that point I woke up.
And I sat up in bed. My heart was pounding. I could hardly catch my breath. I reached over and turned on my bedside lamp. I literally had to sit there for several minutes to regain my composure. I wondered why such a silly dream would scare me that badly. I was actually trembling! I assured myself that it was just another of my crazy dreams, despite the fact that it had such a deep impact on me. I eventually went back to sleep, and I forgot about it after several days. Then the next strange thing happened.
In high school, I lusted after a guy named Alex. I thought he was really really cute. He was a small guy, but he had long flowing blonde hair, and a strut that made me melt. I never had the courage to approach him, mainly because I didn't have much interest in seriously dating him. I just thought he was really cute. So one day after school, me and my best friend were walking to the parking lot (what we called the "upper deck") above the football stadium, where the lowly sophomores and freshmen had to park. We arrived at my little car, and were putting our books in the back seat when I heard a knocking on my open car door behind me. I turned around only to find I was face to face with Alex. Short of gasping in disbelief, I just looked befuddled at him and wondered why he was standing there, right in front of me, looking right into my eyes. I wanted to hear him start a conversation with me. I wanted him to ask me out. I wanted him to take me in his arms and passionately kiss me. And then the few milliseconds that my mind raced with possibilities was interrupted by three little words uttered from the lips of the lusted one: "Got a light?" Alex said. I was stunned. Got a light? That was it? My hopes were dashed, my passion extinguished, my shining moment waxed dull. I looked down at my purse and said, "ummmm....lemmee see" and started to rummage through it. Instead, my friend whipped one right out of her purse, "Here, I got one," and he ran over to the other side of the car, lit his cigarette, mumbled "thanks", and strutted off. I was crushed.
The next day I was retelling my heartbreaking story to another friend as we were walking from the upper deck to the school. We took a shortcut through the concrete stadium bleachers, instead of taking the long trail around the stadium. I imitated Alex asking me for a light, and tried to walk like him. In my fervent account of the details, I tripped and went sailing down several steps. My books scattered, and besides my pride being a little bruised, I was all right. Except I made a nasty four inch scrape below my wrist on my right arm and on my right knee. It didn't occur to me at the time, but later on I began to wonder about the significance of the steps that I had drove down in the car in my dream. Was my dream foretelling of me falling down the stadium steps? I dismissed the spooky feeling as mere coincidence. My friend threw a party a couple days later, and we all enjoyed getting together, snacking on munchkins and cupcakes, blasting lots of Led Zeppelin cd's, and meeting a bunch of people that weren't from our school. I went on and forgot about the strange things that had happened. Then, four days later, the strangest occurrence happened.
I was driving home from school, and our friend Derek had bummed a ride home with me. I dropped him off at his house, and instead of taking the bumpy dusty ride down a gravel road back towards my house, I took the one that was paved. My Whitesnake tape was blaring, my window was rolled down, and I was cruising. An unfamiliar tune was playing, so I popped out the tape to see which song it was I was listening to. I couldn't locate which song it was as I turned the tape over, trying to decide which side had been playing. While looking at the tape, my right front wheel went off the road and scared me. Without thinking, I instinctively jerked the car back on the road, and then lost control of it. I didn't quite know what was happening at the time, but later I found out that the car did a 360 on the road, went off the other side of the road, came back onto the road only to go off the same side of the road I was driving on. The car rolled off into the ditch, and came to rest on the passenger side. When it stopped, the radio was blasting, so I turned it off. I looked up to see my windshield completely busted. My books and glass fragments were scattered everywhere. It was exactly like my dream. I calmly unlatched my seat belt and crawled out of my open window. I was so in shock that I really couldn't even hear myself screaming as I walked calmly to the nearest house to use the phone. It scared me more than words can say; and it was even worse that I had predicted it in a dream beforehand.
Later on, my mom mentioned that the cop said I had narrowly missed a tree and a little shack when I had gone off the other side of the road. The similarities were shocking. A garage, a little shack. A busted windshield, books and glass everywhere. Landing on the passenger side, and crawling out my open window. Coincidence? Fate? ESP? The hand of God? There's no telling. I had a hard time getting over it, but eventually I did. And I've never had an experience like it since. But it made me really stop and wonder about myself and the world around me. Ponderous, man, ponderous.
